Jean Vanier Thoughts

Different Expectations

Many conflicts arise from the fact that people have different expectations. If we expect something from somebody, and this other person does not deliver it, we feel let down and angry. But if the other was not aware of what was expected, or did not agree with it, then there will be a conflict. Contracts between people are important in avoiding conflict. Often we do not like having contracts. We want to leave things hazy, to remain on a spiritual and emotional level. We are afraid of rationality and law; we are afraid of being precise about what we want or expect. So we refuse to place ourselves on the level of justice or of people's rights and responsibilities.

- Jean Vanier, Our Journey Home, p. 240

Listening

Listen to people, to each person, and try to understand what they are saying. Try to understand their point of view, and the wounds that they carry. Listen too to those in authority, those in power, and try to understand the areas in which they are afraid of being challenged. Often those in power are on the defensive.

- Jean Vanier, Our Journey Home, p. 238

Recognizing our Enemies helps Growth

People or races may have enemies but each of us individually can also have an enemy. This is not somebody far away but somebody close to us, within our circle, at work, in our family, neighborhood or community. This person seems like a threat to our freedom and personal growth, someone who puts us down, pushes us aside, contradicts us and makes us feel small, angry, anguished, frightened and depressed. An enemy like this cannot always be named or perceived as such. A possessive mother can stand in the way of her child's freedom to grow. She can become her child's enemy. If we want to progress along the path of openness and universal love, we need to become aware that we have enemies.

- Jean Vanier, Our Journey Home, p. 231

Tenderness

Tenderness does not mean sentimentality and a show of emotion. It is unthreatening gentleness and kindness which shows another person that we consider them important and precious. Tenderness is revealed through gesture and tone of voice. It is not weakness, but a reassuring strength transmitted through the eyes and hands. It is revealed in the attitude of the body, completely attentive to the other's body. It does not issue orders. Tenderness is full of respect. It is not seductive. It is a listening and a touch which awaken energies in the heart and body of the other. It communicates life and freedom. It gives a desire for life. .

- Jean Vanier, Our Journey Home, p. 221

The Good Father

When I see a powerful efficient, competent man coming home from work and getting down on all fours to play with his children, laugh with them, become a child with them, I say to myself that this father is really human. He does not regard his children from on high, from some pedestal of authority and knowledge. He allows himself to be touched by their littleness. .

- Jean Vanier, Our Journey Home, p. 219

God Will Lead Us

This communion with God and with the secret source of our being is not confined to the so-called spiritual, to the delight of inner peace. It will lead us towards the poor and the weak, towards real communion with them. .

- Jean Vanier, Our Journey Home, p. 217

Keeping God

Once we have discovered this new power inside ourselves, we need to be disciplined to keep in touch with it. There are times when prayer is a call, it is joy and we feel drawn towards it. It is a warm light, it is communion and rest. But there are other times when this hidden God hides himself once more behind our anguish, fear and need to prove ourselves. Then we have to be disciplined and to place ourselves again and again before and in the heart of this hidden God, and to cry out for help..

- Jean Vanier, Our Journey Home, p. 216

Keeping God

Once we have discovered this new power inside ourselves, we need to be disciplined to keep in touch with it. There are times when prayer is a call, it is joy and we feel drawn towards it. It is a warm light, it is communion and rest. But there are other times when this hidden God hides himself once more behind our anguish, fear and need to prove ourselves. Then we have to be disciplined and to place ourselves again and again before and in the heart of this hidden God, and to cry out for help..

- Jean Vanier, Our Journey Home, p. 216

The Road to Wholeness

The road to inner unity or wholeness begins as soon as we start to recognize this broken and chaotic world in the depths of our being. We no longer deny our past mistakes, our share of responsibility for things, and our infidelities. We begin to open the door of our hearts in a desire for truth and reconciliation.
- Jean Vanier, Our Journey Home, p. 209

Learning to Live in Peace

Inner healing and peace come gradually as we penetrate these shadow areas without being completely overwhelmed by them, as we learn to live with anguish without falling into depression or self-hatred, anger or guilt. On this road, it is important to continue to do things that give life to others, to work for justice knowing that our motives will always be mixed. They are mixed because we are human.
- Jean Vanier, Our Journey Home, p. 209